Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
sarcasm needs its own font
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
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