ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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