sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You've changed since you got that strap on
My butt remains clenched, sir.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
