Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
