Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
