you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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