just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
