are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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