I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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