I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
