Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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