mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
