oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
