How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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