I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
