He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
