He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
