Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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