my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
