Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
