from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
