and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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