i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
