p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
