Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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