White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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