What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
