Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
