8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
