im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
