I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
