and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
