When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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