brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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