ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
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I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
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You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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