If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
