Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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