On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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