why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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