You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
