He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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