Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
