dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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