I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
