just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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