last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A+ Viking dick
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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