Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
