this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
