You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
