why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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