I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
