I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
