Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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