you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
