there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
