just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
