they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
