u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
