i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
