He had one of those small greek statue penises
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
