Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
