Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
