***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
