Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
