Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Damn victory sex feels great
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
